And in the middle of all this coronavirus mess, my brother Mickey decides to fall out of a tree. From ‘way up in the tree. He’s 79 but acts 11. It’s a family trait. Whatever.
A bit of background: he and Beth, his wife of 44 years, moved to Georgetown, Texas, to be closer to their family's brood of grandkids. Being handy with tools (not something I inherited, although my son Patrick has), he’s always repairing, replacing, resurfacing, remodeling or redoing something around the house and yard. And when he’s not doing that, he’s building stuff: furniture, fences, anything with wood. There’s probably an ark hidden somewhere in his meticulous garage shop.
Anyway, I sent an email to them both with the interview questions for this diary that I’m asking family members to complete. Here’s what I got in response.
Yesterday, Mike was trimming a neighbor’s tree, cutting some sizable limbs from a ladder. The pole saw’s position somehow flipped him off the ladder onto his back. Luckily our neighbor, Melissa, was near when this occurred. He was unconscious and not breathing. Melissa did CPR and her hubby called 911. He came around quickly and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. We followed, but could not get into the hospital. So all we could do was return home and wait.
They did an EKG and trauma scan (CT). No head issues - and a healthy heart. He fractured the lumbar vertebrae (all 5 of them - L 1,2,3,4, 5 transverse process). He’s now home with meds for pain and inflammation. Tomorrow will be a hard day. The healing for this kind of injury is pretty slow and uncomfortable.
Just wanted to update you on what’s going on. It’s bit crazy around here right now!
I called him Sunday, May 3, and greeted him with the caring sensitivity I’m famous for: “Dumbass. What the hell were you thinking?”
He chuckled, then did the Melton thing, which is to deny anything’s wrong. I know of what I speak. I was nearly electrocuted a few years ago and afterwards was all, “Yeah, kinda weird but I’m fine.”
We get it from our dad. Mom would have some insane medical procedure that we knew nothing about and then he’d call us and say, “Well, everything’s fine now, but your mom just had a brainiotomy.” Like holding off on this news is supposed to be comforting. Best not to just say anything but if pressed, say, “Everything’s fine.”
To get the true story from my brother, I employed all my journalistic wiles. Which basically meant asking a question now and then while clacking away on my keyboard while he talked.
Me: So what happened?
Mickey: I was in a really good place about 15 feet up, the ladder was super-stable and I was protected on three sides with a big limb next to me. If I didn’t feel confident in what I was doing, I wouldn’t have done it. I was working on a limb with a pole saw and the limb came down really fast and hit the end of the pole and sort of vaulted me out of my spot. I went flying over the head of Melissa, my neighbor. On the way down, I kept looking and thinking, “Is this really happening?” and “Man, that’s a long way down.” And then all of a sudden, it wasn’t very far at all.
Me: Where did you land?
Mickey: On my back in the yard exactly where we’d been piling up a bunch of limbs. Thank God we’d moved all that out of the way or it could have been real trouble. It knocked the wind out of me and I guess I was unconscious for a few seconds. I came to and Melissa’s doing CPR on me, thinking I’m dead, and I kept saying “Stop it, I’m okay, I’m okay.” Her daughter is a cardiac nurse and had trained her on CPR, so this was her chance to show her stuff.
Me: So then what?
Mickey: The ambulance arrived in about two or three minutes and they bundled me up and took me to the ER. I waved to Melissa and Beth and said, "I'll let you know if it's a boy or a girl!" Also, it was my first ambulance ride. I know you’ve done it before so I have to catch up with you.
Me: Yeah, not all it’s cracked up to be but glad you enjoyed it. So then what?
Mickey: They asked me if I was sentimentally attached to my raggedy old blue jean work shirt and I said no, so they cut it off. They made me take off my jeans, too.
Me: Were you wearing superhero underpants?
Mickey: No, that’s you.
Me: True. So then?
Mickey: They moved me to the trauma room and the nurse had a New Orleans Saints sticker on her uniform. I told her I was a Dallas Cowboys fan and she walked out (laughs). But she was great, she kept calling Beth to keep her informed, since visitors couldn’t come in and I was there about five or six hours. I had the whole place to myself, three doctors and several nurses, there wasn’t anybody else there. They said I scared them pretty good at first so I said, “Well, it’s a slow day, got to liven things up.”
Me: What did the tests show?
Mickey: The doctor said you must’ve been in a bad car accident at some point, because your back is all fused together. I said “Nope,” and he said, “Well, Mother Nature did to you what I charge $100,000 for. It helped stabilize you rather than causing disc problems. You’ve got some cracked vertebrae but no lasting effects, you’ll heal up fine, just be patient.”
Me: Not your strong suit. Did you get decent drugs?
Mickey: Yeah, Tramadol, a narcotic, but really, Aleve does wonderful things for me. Actually, I didn’t take anything at first because I wanted to set a baseline for pain and really, it’s not bad at all.
Me: What did you do the day after all this?
Mickey: Read the paper on the front porch, took it easy. If I’m sitting or lying down, there’s no pain, it’s just like normal. If I get up and do stuff, the pain is dull but it only makes me go “Yikes” versus “Oh, shit.” The problem is with my personality, it’s hard to keep me inactive. So that’s it.
Me: So you proved Newton’s law of gravity.
Mickey: I guess so.
Me: There are easier ways, ya know.
He’ll be 80 next February 11 and plans on celebrating by joining a half-marathon in San Antonio. “Just walking,” he says. “I’m not gonna finish in 90 minutes or anything.”
I wouldn’t bet money on that.
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